i always seem to rush into things. often ignorant to the fact that im not exactly and particularly ready for it. this doesnt excuse anything that ive said or done obviously. im often blinded by my emotions sometimes and i honestly regret even saying anything in the first place. im sorry is what im trying to say. forgive or not im happy to have spoken to you briefly tonight :) it made my day more than you think it did!!!! i love you, a lot. please dont ever forget that. its embarrassing for me to even admit such a thing but i might as well write it here. its not like youll read this... but i hope that you at least see this (if you do that is)!
3:02 am: clearing that out of the way. today is my birthday. its been a while since ive added a page to this site at all. ive been so busy doing nothing and ive just neglected it for a while. i had a few pages halfway done but i gave up on them and never quite finished them. a lot of things have happened in these past few days, weeks and most of it hasnt been quite "positive" to say the least. im quite tired at the moment. i am unable to sleep! which is why i thought of writing this. isnt that nice :)). im slightly happy. my reactions to such things are quite delayed. eventually itll hit me. tonights issues and problems are caused by me of course. but i should try and focus on tonight in a good manner.. after all it is my birthday! although i dont expect anything good to happen tonight. itll just be another day as usual. me doing nothing. at least ill be at school.. thats something right? i dont know.
3:20 am: what am i even doing anymore. i should be happy. its my birthday! and i should just be happy and i dont know. tonight will be a wonderful night! i hope at least. today will be nice and cold and i hopefully have nothing to worry about today :). i have no one to celebrate my own birthday with though. which i guess could suck but who cares. tonight will be good :).
3:27 am: i love chet bakers music. its quite nice to listen to. speaking of music. i should really get to listening to that playlist. wonder if i still have the link. perhaps tomorrow or later today! ive also been neglecting to listen to MUSIC
3:39 am: conversations... such as the one i had make me happy. a small wonderful interaction with someone i dont even know. off topic but i wish i could smile and stop looking so sad all the time!! i seriously look so depressed. i also need to shave too. my face that is. i look like a BUM. especially with the clothes i wear!!!!! i want to cry to be honest. even then nothing really comes out. this day sucks. but i must stay positive!!! but even that is quite hard for me. i try, and the effort is what matters. to me at least
4:43 am: getting tired. finally. going to sleep now. will prepare for school in a few hours. maybe beg to stay home tonight.... birthday excuse!
9:07 am: great... stayed home! life is great. i think. im just on twitter reposting every second. i miss her. did i mention that? im quite bored. there isnt anything to do
4:40 pm: regretting everything what was i thinking SERIOUSLY
11:44 pm: i do regret most of the things ive done today.. just hope i dont regret them that much! overall it was an okay day. im quite tired. this day really sucked. it was the WORST. an extreme letdown but at least its over :). that is it for the day.